New Year Resolutions for 2014

Hi all, this post came late but not too late because we're still in January!
I know, I know time pass very very fast so I'm trying to make some resolutions just before February arrives, hehe. Jasmin was saying "This seems like your CNY resolutions already!" 

Actually I don't really make resolutions for every year. Do you guys actually stick to them? It's more like "I-wished-I-will-do-this" kind of thing right?

However, new year, new resolutions. Let me start off with the very first one, it's kind of self-explanatory though...

1. Make New Year Resolutions & actually stick by them.
As I've said, I don't do this "resolutions" thing for each new year because I don't think I will follow them. So, for a brand new year, starting from 2014, I shall make resolutions for myself for every year, also to keep track and shape myself into a better person. By the end of the year, I shall check off those that I've accomplished and look back. 😁

2. Be a better person.
Having said from the first resolution, I wish and hope I can really be a better person- Not only for myself, but for my family and people whom I care/ love & vice versa. I can't really define "better person" but I guess, better than the current me? In terms of everything. I don't really mean I'm gonna change entirely to someone I'm not, because I believe people still love me for who I am! >_<
I came across my Polytechnic's E-Portfolio on Wordpress and read through what I've written, and these two sentences really motivate me: "By constantly upgrading and surpassing myself is the only way to attain greater heights." // "The only competitor you have is yourself."

3. Stop placing others before myself. I should be the priority to my own. 
For the past few years since Secondary school, I've always placed others before me. I didn't realised it until my close friends are telling me, "Can you just spare a thought for yourself and stop caring for others and start living for yourself?" Okay correct me if I'm wrong. I realised I'm quite caring and helpful towards others people and I will go the extra mile for people even if I don't really know them.
(Not that I want to brag by saying I'm nice, caring and helpful, but... no meh? LOL)

I feel like a secretary to my friends, like helping them to check timetable, project briefs, take note of project due dates or whatever admin stuff, then I will remind and update them. They are just like "Whoa lucky I've got you to take note of all these, if not I would have forgotten." Some people are appreciative towards me, but some are just taking advantages of me. However, I'm too used to helping people with such stuff and being their "secretary" just because they are my friends and I think I should be doing this (BUT I'M NOT OBLIGED). It will be so bad of me to not inform them and later on, they might miss the important dates. (I'm a very organised person so I take note of my dates very carefully and planned nicely.) It will seem like I'm just self-centred to just care for myself, but caring too much tires me too!! Tell me what I should do? Just don't take advantage of me and I'm more than happy to lend my helping hands la :)

Then again, when someone wants to take advantage of you, they won't be saying "okay hi, I'm going to take advantage of your kindness." Thus, I should be careful of who is true to me and who is not. This brings me to my "sub-resolution" of Not to be taken advantage of. Sometimes I think why won't people go the extra mile for me... Hmm. I know I can't expect any returns if I were to help people, but I'm kind of tired of this shit. So yup, I should care for myself, my well-being first.

4. Use less feelings and emotions. 
Eunice once told me, "You always tend to use your emotions to think." I admit, I'm an emotional type of person. Is it attributed to me being a Gemini? Or is it just me...?
Just because I put in too much feelings, I'm always at the losing end. People who guard their hearts well are often stronger than those who don't. I'm weak. I should stop being weak and change this point of mine. Heart of steel. 😈

By using less emotions and feelings, I will not get so affected whenever something happens. (Or rather I hope I won't get too affected.) I hate how I'm easily affected by the things I see, hear and know. Be less paranoid.

5. Study hard, harder than usual. 

I should really stop slacking although I think I'm not very slack as compared to some other people. It's just that I feel I should constantly do my revision so it will be easier for me to study for my examination. 

I really hope this study momentum don't die out fast. I need to feel motivated in everything I do. My goal for this semester is to achieve distinctions. If possible, next semester too. 😝

6. Plan my time well.

I realized whenever I have the free time I will just rest and do nothing, more like nua. I'm gonna get occupied this year and accomplish as much as I can. Turning 21 this year and I realized I haven't done much. 😔 Jas has been encouraging me to join DWZ and learn dance. I've always wanted to learn dance but afraid of how people might judge me because I can't coordinate my hands and legs well. Jas said while I'm still not a working adult, I should treasure my time to do things that I enjoy before I'm gonna work my ass off in the society. True that.

I've sent in résumé to VicSecret & Stradivacious but none got back to me yet. I was even thinking of going back to Sushi Tei to work. If all are successful, I'll be taking up 3 jobs. Quite crazy but I'm actually excited about how I can cope lol.
Financial burden is taking a toll on me. Mum said I should give monthly allowance to Dad to pay bills and all since I've started working (part-time). I don't even have enough for myself...? Every month give $100 then I've to pay for my own expenses. Where got savings lol. Really got no choice but to work more. At the same time, it pains me to see Dad working so hard to be the sore breadwinner of the family. 

7. Be healthier and fitter.

I hate how I'm always procrastinating about exercising. However, I hope to go back to my ideal weight and be toner :( so I can wear pretty clothes and be healthier! 💪 Every thurs is gonna be gym-day with Carmen!

Just bought a swimsuit to encourage myself to learn swimming again, gonna go ECP to learn riding a bicycle too! I gotta overcome these two phobias of mine!

8. Improve in dance & musicality

I really hope to dance nicely and confidently. I have to improve myself because I've lagged one cycle as compared to the rest. Sometimes I feel upset about why I have to hurt my foot that other time. Well, I believe if I work hard I can eventually do better! 😁

It's a disadvantage of not having dance background. Actually I should have started out in NRA. I love dance but I don't know how to dance. Hahaha!

Furthermore, I'm gonna relearn playing the Guzheng again. 😁

9. Letting go of people not worth in my life, and appreciate those who are.

Letting go of someone is difficult. Some people are just not worth my time and effort and I should cut them off from my life. At the same time, I'm making my way back to those friends who are worth my time. I hate drifting and neglecting them. 😔

Seriously can't think of anymore resolutions. Finally I'm posting this. It has been one month into 2014! 😱 

Happy Chinese New Year to all!!! 🐎

Feeling lonely...

1. You’re basing your worth off the opinions of others.
2. You’re waiting for other people to make you feel better.
3. You’re hoping a relationship will fix your problems.
4. You haven’t learned how to love and value yourself.
5. You have yet to forgive yourself of your past mistakes.
6. You have never learned to share how you’re truly feeling.
7. You’re spending too much time thinking about your failures.
8. You’re convinced that your life has no purpose.
9. You haven’t learned to let go of the past and embrace God’s grace.
10. You are allowing your emotions to control major life decisions.

These are the 10 reasons mainly why someone feels lonely... I've gotten this off from Jarrid Wilson's post and I think it's really true and applicable (at least for me). Sigh...

All of a sudden, I feel that I have no one... WHY AM I FEELING THIS WAY. Upset.. 😢

I don't need feelings anymore

Oh god. This is a Déjà vu.... So I've blogged on my Tumblr a month ago, penning down what exactly happened recently. Great, now I know I have this superpower of foreseeing. 😝

"I don't have that courage. I'll just let it flow~" 

Well done, me. Who ask you to have that courage? Damn, constantly pacifying myself with "Girl, you're amazing man! You're so daring, so courageous, not many girls can do it!" But my inner devil has been telling me, "You shouldn't have. You see, things changed." 

Inner battle, well done.

Seriously, one of my new year solution is to be mysterious and not put in any feelings in anything/ anyone. Tough being a Gemini- Full of emotions and feelings. I hate this.
Please, I've said it, I want this year to be a great one for me.

IT'S JUST ALL GONNA BE ME, ME, ME! I'll not put others as priority anymore! I'll not care too much for others. Everyone has been telling me "You should stop thinking for others. Starting thinking for yourself. Put yourself as priority." 

Likewise, I need to stop trying. Stop putting in effort for others. Because people don't care a single bit about you, so what for? Just be self-centred and care for yourself!

Rather whiny during this period of time, I totally have no idea why I'm like this. I've started to turn awkward with everyone but really glad for Jasmin & Eunice who are always bringing me back on track/ stop me from overthinking/ feeling paranoid about everything/ reasoning things out & so on...

"Things are not awkward. It's YOU who's behaving awkwardly." I should really stop. Gosh, I feel like I've been to another universe during this one week since something happened... Now I'm getting myself back in reality. Trying to. What am I worrying about? What exactly am I unhappy about? What's wrong with me...? I can never decode myself. I guess this is a blind spot to myself. Jas is always spot-on on describing and guessing how I really feel whenever I told her "Eh I really don't know how to put into words of how I'm exactly feeling." She's really the one I can keep for another 10 years, 20, 30, A LIFETIME. ❤

Since I can't understand myself well, how can I expect others to? Guess I'm not good enough... That's why. I should be a better person. Like what Justinius and Geok have been saying whenever we had our gatherings, "First, be a better person." Heeding advice. 😃

This is yet another long post, but not as long as the previous one, hehe. I'm gonna list out my New Year Resolutions soon. I've never believed in New Year Resolutions because... will we ever follow it? I guess not. This time round, things gonna be different. I THINK I might actually try to follow my list of resolutions, to shape myself a better person- for myself, for my peers, for my family.

Goodnight people. Thanks to whoever for reading till the end because I think nobody will ever read my blog except my best friend Jas? I'm really happy to be back blogging again because I like to crap a lot, at the same time improving the way I typed. (Proper English sentences without OR with MINIMUM Singlish.)

2013 in a nutshell...

January:

This was a hectic month for myself, as well as my peers. I was still struggling in my last year of Polytechnic life in Ngee Ann, rushing through projects and assignments. As much as I had whined about regretting opting out of 6 months internship, and took 2 months instead (had my internship at Comfort Delgro as call operator, disastrous) with a major in Entrepreneurship and Psychology, I later on was glad that I took Psychology as it was really what I wanted. The decision I made was what I wanted at that point of time. Constantly telling myself, there's no room for regrets... What's past, have already passed. Conducting experiments, analyse the results and crafting discussion for Psychology reports were really the worst time of my Polytechnic life, but I'm glad for my groupmates. 😊

I'm not the type of person who are public-spirited, therefore it was really tough for me to do my boardroom presentation for my BCOMM assessment. Nonetheless, it has passed and I scored not bad. 😝

February:
Another uninteresting month... Project submissions and FINAL EXAMS OF POLY! 😄 It's the month of Chinese New Year too. But well, nothing much happened! Just visited paternal side & impromptu visit to maternal side in Malaysia.

March:
I resumed working at Yoguru more often after the unofficial graduation from NP. I was invited to Ziai's 21st birthday Pastel-themed party at Bunc Hostel together with the 八仙女! It is really a nice hostel, but just that it's a little difficult to get there :/ During the mid-March, I went on a mini trip to Genting with K.

April:

Most hectic month in terms of working at Yoguru as I took up 2-3 full shifts, accompanied by some half shifts in every weeks... to the extent that I earned almost $800 😱 Thanks to Rebecca Shi Hui, we managed to have our very own 八仙女 photoshoot at Fort Canning! Everything was enjoyable except the mosquitoes-feeding part. 😒 It was also my first time trying helium and I got so amazed that I can have a chipmunk voice! 

It's also the month that a little one joined the family of Oh! 😍 *Drumroll...* CLOVER OH! (Born on 31 March 2013) I was so excited to adopt Shynn's Syrian Hamster that I looked up information on them. It's such a pity that Syrians can't be kept together, or else I would have given Clover a companion!

Sushi Tei clique gathered at Weexin's 21st birthday! 

May:

MONTH OF OFFICIAL GRADUATION FROM POLYTECHNIC!!! 👏 

But before I touch on my graduation day (23 May 2013), I shall talk about the Bangkok Grad Trip that I had with my 八仙女!!! We didn't take much photos because we were busy shopping and eating!!! *I'm missing Phad Thai and Mango Sticky Rice now* However, jia&jia did vlogs during the trip! 

The journey in NP was indeed tough but bearable as long as I have my peers with me, pushing me through the bad times. Grateful for all of y'all! No doubt, I was experiencing mixed feelings when I received my graduation letter, telling me that I can graduate! (Not that I don't wish to graduate, but I will definitely miss all the fun and laughter, looking forward to school everyday because we can joke around, dressing up in formal wear for presentation, meeting early in school for project discussion & whatnot.) 

*Now that I'm typing these, I'm missing my Poly life already...* 😢

(Okay I was really damn awkward in this Vlog but luckily we did it, we were really overjoyed!)

So after all the happening events, it's time to get busy and down to work. It was really a chore to decide which University to go to. Initially, University of Buffalo sounds good to me because I would really wish to study Sociology. After considering the school fees and years of studies, I'll pass. It's too much to handle. I had an inner battle between University of London (UOL) and Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology (RMIT). Considering the honours, UOL is definitely a better choice, which also means heavy workload and high level of stress. 😣 Maybe god was making a decision for me because UOL's bridging course clashed with my family trip to Taiwan in June. Thus, to make myself feel better, yes, I've been telling myself it's fated. Eventually, I decided to pursue my degree in RMIT Marketing. (Battling between Management too, haha!)

Being an entrepreneur student in NP, I really wished to set up my own business. Therefore, with the same interest, Carmen and I decided to own a blogshop. Things were not easy as we thought it will be. Initially, I've gotten my designer cousin to draft out logos and banners for our business right after we have decided on our name - Coeur Caranne, as well as my bestie Cheryl Lee who helped to do our website coding. Really la, we thought it sounds cool and professional, but everyone don't know the correct pronunciation. HAHA damn fail. We did our first photoshoot with Ziai being our photographer. (Not forgetting Carmen's boyfriend, Kenneth, for always supporting us and helping us out!)

And again, another 21st birthday that I attended - Aileen's! I was really glad to meet her in 2012 during our KCC camp and later on introduced her to Sushi Tei where she met Guan Qian, awww. 

*Woah what a long "May" section*

June:

It was Coeur Caranne first collection launch on the first day of June! Response was..... so-so, but better than nothing. We received emails from bloggers for collaboration and spent quite a bit of time on this blogshop business. It was really a joy working with Carmen although there were little disagreement here and there but we cleared them! Doing business from scratch is never easy, I'm glad Carmen keep encouraging me whenever I feel like giving up. ^^ I had fun doing e-newsletter too! 

OH it's my birthday month too, but I can't find any pictures of my 20th birthday. I think no one gave me a proper celebration. Well, I shall skip this part. Oh, thanks everyone who gave me presents. 

Relationship-wise, it came to an official end despite all those little break-ups. I'm glad we both learnt some lessons. I was so heartbroken not because it ended... It's because we can't just simply let go of memories right? Well, time heals. Thanks Carmen and Kenneth for being by my side during this period of time. (I always felt so guilty because you guys have to accompany me and missed your dates HAHA) 

Friendship-wise, I lost a group of friends. We came all the way since Secondary School but just because I couldn't live up to their expectations, yup I was abandoned. They said I was wrong on my part, perhaps? Initially, I was so pissed off with all the excuses and reasoning they gave to outcast me. Afterwhich, I felt more of disappointed and upset at how people could just give up on someone and previously acted like everything is normal... The pain of discovering that all along, they just had something against me that they bottled up since a long time ago. Well, we won't be in the same clique anymore but I think we're still friends?

I was invited to Kaijie's 21st birthday. This guy really, a lot pattern, LOL. But yay, it was great spending time with my SST Clique although KJ did not have the time to host us. (Nevermind, we are good at self-entertaining.) He has yet to show us the photos taken at his party! 7 months have already passed!

To end off my June, I had an awesome Taiwan trip with my family, uncles and Grandma. Actually not so awesome because they couldn't really shop and had a lot of restrictions. Nonetheless, great food, great scenery, great time off Singapore's hazy weather hehe! (DO Y'ALL STILL REMEMBER THE HAZE?) 

(Hi, a picture of me with my lousy paper mask 😥)

Time check: 5AM; I'm amazed by my ability of blogging.
Spent hours working on my reflections of 2013 & I'm only halfway done. Well done, Jo. 👏
Effort hor this post. ><
I'll continue the next half when I wake up from my slumber. ;) Goodnight to myself! 

***Edit***

July:
It's the start of University at SIM RMIT, squeezing on 184/ 75 all over again. It was always exciting when school starts but slowly dreading it because of 8:30AM visiting lectures! I also tried out for RMIT Student Council. I seriously have no idea where I get the courage from. Probably I've been telling myself: "It's fine, even if I failed, I won't be meeting them again." AND I REALLY DIDN'T GET IN. HAHAHA JOKE. Met and formed group with really awesome girls. 😘

(This wasn't taken in July but it's a full group photo with our Buyer Behaviour local lecturer)

It's also the month when Ange had to leave for Melbourne for her studies. We had a stay over at her place, together with Jia and Maddy. (I was the first to doze off while they continue talking about their secrets, not fated.)

Thanks to Caleb Ee, 八仙女 managed to have a short staycation at MBS before heading down to Zouk.

I've gotten complimentary yoga passes to Real Yoga so I brought Carmen, Maddy and Ruby along with me. Hot and Core yoga are so damn shiok, it will really helps to tone up! However, I didn't sign up package after my trials. 😝

August: 
Coeur Caranne's second launch and thanks Kenneth's friend, BK, for being our photographer.

(Okay la, just for laugh, show y'all one of the BTS pic because I was fooling around trying to pose fiercely.)

I was never into dance till when I was in Poly? I didn't join NRA, of course, because I was afraid of the audition. I thought there wasn't choreo. Even though I know no one in DreamWerkz, yet, I bought ticket for its production, Discover 2013, and grabbed a few friends to go with me. :) I really enjoy watching people dance and would really love to move & groove too. 💃 That's why in the end I signed up to go for DWZ's camp!!! I was so excited to receive a text saying I was selected for camp. I got so excited (and self-conscious) that I went to Youtube how to do body wave. I guess that was the basic dance step that I first had to master. LOL so everyday I stood in front of the mirror and wave like a retard. I can't control my body motion well. 😥

It was really hilarious when my groupmates always meet up at Souperlicious for project discussions. We would just "老地方见". Service Quality quiz was crazy but we had fun flipping through textbook trying to help one another. 

September: 

(Actually this last quarter of 2013, I experienced a lot of emotions, ranging from SUPER OVERJOYED to MEGA SADNESS... that I don't really wished to mention or blog about it. However, 2013 ended, my feelings should end too.)

The month when Ziai had to leave for UK and I couldn't be at the airport because I was on cast. Sigh. 

DWZ dance camp was an epic one for me BECAUSE I SPRAINED MY FOOT & IT ESCALATED TO A BONE FRACTURE. LOL for the first time, I'm on cast and crutches. WORST PERIOD OF 2013!!!!! Nonetheless, the camp was great as I got to learn some dance moves and choreo. We played running man too and had night walk! I was disappointed that I couldn't join my peers for the dance item... 😞 #TeamUSA #GreenGroup

Most importantly, I met fun-loving dance mates. (Too much to mention, you should know yourselves *wink wink*) OGLs Wanling and Clement are great too. Actually everyone showed so much love to me (even people from other groups!) just because of my injured leg HAHA I really felt I was damn burden during this period of time. 

So how did I hurt my leg? I was doing criss cross foot work and I think I stepped on a little stone on the uneven ground (because the camp was held at BB/GB Campsite) and I fell. I was quite embarrassed though. I continued dancing but using lesser impact on my legs, until Clement stopped me and said that it swell! 😱 Literally crawled up the stairs because I couldn't walk and it was 3AM, I couldn't trouble any guy to piggyback me. CRAWL. UP. FROM. LEVEL 1. TO. LEVEL 3. 😭

My foot was getting from bad to worse and I couldn't even walk properly so mum suggested that I should go for a scan. I cried when I learnt that my fifth metatarsal bone was fractured and it means I couldn't dance anytime near. That damn crutches... I looked happy in the picture because it's my first time on cast, lol but actually I was weeping deep down in my heart... 

I really spent a lot of my time with this bunch of dance people. We had our first group outing to Saizeiriya at Grand Cathay and a big thanks to Clement for fetching me from home and back home! 

Junior team audition on 25 September:
I couldn't join but I stayed back to give moral support to them! I felt disappointed that I can't join them. CAN'T EVEN JOIN INTRO TEAM *cries*

Everything started near the end of this month. We talked. We joked. We shared random stuff. It all started off normally till someone gets too comfortably attached, and that's me....

October:

MONTH OF PROJECT RUSH AND EXAMS!

Enrolment was really a pain in the ass! Too complicated and screwed up! My group was the best. We spent only one month or less to rush 4 modules' projects! Gosh, salute to us! 

Clement held a BBQ session at his place for the greenies! Some of us had school on Saturday and so it was really dreadful... 😣 I couldn't concentrate in lecture because I was excited for hotdogs! Hengthye gave us a ride from school to Clem's place, yay! 

As exams were nearing, I had study dates with Stephanie, Maddy and Suan. Suan is my cousin. I wasn't really close to him until I came to SIM because he is also studying here! I will always consult him whenever I'm in doubt. I then realised I shared most of my problems with him rather than my real-blood brother. I think Suan is the only person who can criticise me and I find it non-offensive and instead, finding it funny. LOL.

Exams were good but I had panic attack for my first paper (Market Research), disastrous. My mind went blank. Service Quality was my most satisfied paper because I've done all the MCQ practice questions and it came out, all!!! Confident of it.

Shoutout to Eunice Chua for always listening to my rants and whatsoever. Whenever I couldn't contain my excitement and whenever I'm feeling down. You'll always be there to give advice and making me feel better by analysing situations to me. Grateful. 🙏

Still on good talking terms but slowly withdrawing myself not to get deeper, only to realise I couldn't get used to it... Always wanting to share my joy, anger, sadness... First person that came to my mind. 

November: 

First time working as tour coordinator for BPGHS Singapore River Trail. Totally suck at it because we weren't given training. Nevermind, we definitely had fun mingling around with the Secondary 3 kids! 

I've been going for productions the moment I entered SIM, lol. SP SDZ Waves 18 was awesome, I couldn't stop laughing! One reason was also to support Hengthye for his Alumni item. Hengthye said the way I 'touched' my tummy looks like I'm pregnant. What a description! I was just holding my bag... Look like meh...? 😔

Next was Danzation by NP! I just purely wanted to watch the production but realised Jia was taking part in it, so I went to support her! It feels so good to see Jia dancing again! 

This was also a month of meet-ups with people that I didn't manage to meet often. Ange came back from Melbourne for her Summer break// Army boys book out. Finally a Korean BBQ at Manbok with my lovely Sushi Tei Clique too! I also had Karaoke sessions with some greenies... So tempted to post the singing videos here but I SHALL NOT ruin impressions. ;) 

Chats weren't as frequent/ good as before. Felt like I'm an irritant. Hanging in the mid-air kind of feeling because I'm unsure of how he feels and thinks. Set me thinking. Emotional rides. Jumbled feelings. Uncertainty and fear. Should expect none.

December: 

FINALLY THE LAST MONTH OF THE YEAR~

I've been joining the DWZ people for dance sessions (Hengthye & Junhao's Popping// Clement's LA) even though I'm not even in Intro class. No doubts, I was damn self-conscious and feeling inferior because I couldn't dance well and I feel damn retarded in my limbs. "Practice makes perfect" Not really perfect perfect, but at least I think I can slowly improve! Never give up spirit~

First clubbing with Steph, Clem, Hengthye, QianYi and Jamie at Butter Factory. So wobbly, so wobbly THAT I FELL ON MY BUTT. Joke. Hurt my left thigh zzz. Always getting myself hurt, seriously damn fail. Thanks for the people who took care of me, hehe. 

I've also started taking up open classes at Natasha Studio with some DWZ friends. Gotta love Riana's class! She's so bubbly and no stress in her class. 😄😄😄

It has been long since I last met Yunyi, Jane, Monica & Debbie. Thus, I forked out time to meet them and we actually gave Deb an advanced (failed) birthday celebration. (AND YES I CUT MY FRINGE TO BANGS AND IT'S SO UGLY AND WEIRD 😭)

I wanted to be a good housewife next time so I've been trying to learn baking and cooking but my mum always forbid me from using the stove without her supervision. -.- THEN ALWAYS COMPLAIN I NEVER COOK. "Girls" -.- So contradicting. So I went to look up on Cheesecake recipes, asked around friends for help and experiencing it myself. I spent almost 5 hours making a cheesecake... DON'T LAUGH at me... 😭 By making the crust and pressing it is really a chore for me... At least I tried my best. 

Here comes Christmas~ I had nothing on on the day itself so did Hengthye. So since two poor souls had nothing on, we went out to chill after my work (OH IT'S DOUBLE PAY, lucky that I got the slot hehe)

I was terribly sorry as I was late for 1.5 hours when I'm the one who set 8PM as the meeting time. I reached at 9:30PM at Esplanade. Hengthye must be cursing me, 😰😰😰. Yes, I was blaming the traffic and road closure. So maddening that I had to alight at Raffles City and walk to Esplanade. 

Hengthye gave me choco marshmallows and a hand-drawn card! LOLOL he doesn't allow me to show it so I shall obey. HAHA So we sat by the sea/ river (?) and we had the cheesecake and Aglio Olio that I made & cooked. And.... I think it doesn't taste good....... 😰 

Okay so we walked to MBS and chillax, talk about life. That's what old people are good at *hint* 

Afterwhich Hengthye drove me back home, what a gentleman~ Kamsahamnida! 🙏

(I iz can haz a black reindeer nose!)

DWZ gathered at Vernice's house for Christmas party and gift exchange! Okay I damn fail, I bought chocolates. I HATE GIFT EXCHANGE because I really have no idea what to buy. I received a tumbler. Okay I love it very much because I can have a proper bottle! 

Awesome Christmas BBQ session held at Macs' condo!!! I had a pre-party drinking alcohol before I even head out to Zouk to meet the rest. All thanks to drunkard Val!!! HAHA I'm really blessed to have y'all, my Assholes! I'm glad we cleared our misunderstandings and thanks for putting up with my paranoia and forgive me for not appearing for gatherings & outings. And that you guys are still there for me whenever, wherever I need y'all. Thanks for not giving up on me and not abandoning me like how others would. Thanks for working out our differences and still disturbing one another to spice things up. I'm really really happy to have you as my close bros and sis!!!! THESE ARE SERIOUSLY MY HEARTFELT WORDS. 

(I was planning to instagram and dedicated to my Assholes because Sirsing commented that I just lost to Wanzhen in the longest insta post. And I accepted the challenge so here it is!)

When I was at my lowest, I'm glad for your presence. When I was at my happiest state, I'm glad it was with y'all. Okay I'm not very good with my words. JUST KNOW THAT I LOVE YALL K. 

I'm really thankful for Sirsing and Yewei for talking sense into me whenever I'm very very upset. Always got me out of my sadness. Thanks Sirsing for fetching me from work and ensure I left his car by feeling better. 

Not forgetting Macs, Weijie, Valerie and Wanzhen, you guys are great too! ❤❤❤❤❤

Second clubbing at Zouk with DWZ people (Jasmin and Jiechun joined too). I was so sorry I ruined everyone's night because I had too much alcohol and feeling a little emotional. I was upset about everything- Friendship mainly. I felt damn guilty that night, but I was glad it's over. 😣 

I'm really glad to meet Ruby at Yoguru. She's like a big sister, always giving me advice on what to do when I'm lost, listening to my stories and being a fellow Gemini! It's really funny how we always say we wanted to have our picnic but failed. And really funny how we only have one photo taken in 2012 and not 2013. We took one at work just because Ruby wanted to blog. HAHA #okaycan super unglam. I hope our picnic really comes true and we can take pretty pictures!!

So I've decided to speak. To tell how I really feel to stop hanging there. Outcome is just as expected but I still felt upset. Very. I weeped. I couldn't let out my emotions. The worst feeling is you're hurt and you're not crying. Friends, brother, mother, cousin talked sense into me. Thanks Ruby for the harsh words to really make me wake from this sorrow. This is just temporary. We need time. I can do this. 

My rationale for this? What if I die the next day? I couldn't say how I really feel. 

"Always tell someone how you feel because opportunity is lost in a blink of eyes but regrets can last a lifetime."

I don't want any regrets, although I felt regretful saying how I feel. At least I'm proud of myself for being courageous. It just need a little courage. At least I know what to do now. At least I'm not hanging anymore. I felt relieved, but occasionally upset because things changed. And I wouldn't want things to change. It hurts. Killing me. 

NYE Countdown to 2013 was pretty awesome! We had it at Hengthye's place- big, empty house, managed to accommodate more than 10 people! We played Kinect and drank and countdown to a better year! I was so tired from dancing that I dropped dead on the floor, closing my eyes and eating my burger at the same time. Too shag. Left his house at 6AM. 

So here's the end of my long post of my 2013. Thinking how come I can remember so much? I'm an organised person, so.... of course I referred to my schedule book la!
Don't be sad if I didn't mention you! Please meet me up and create memories with me so you'll appear in my 2014 post!
I know this post came 4 days late. LOL Too upset these few days that I just felt like nua-ing and not do anything. I'm becoming from bad to worse. It's 5:45AM now and I just finished my blog post. #okaycan 

Goodnight to myself! 😉