Oh god. This is a Déjà vu.... So I've blogged on my Tumblr a month ago, penning down what exactly happened recently. Great, now I know I have this superpower of foreseeing. 😝
"I don't have that courage. I'll just let it flow~"
Well done, me. Who ask you to have that courage? Damn, constantly pacifying myself with "Girl, you're amazing man! You're so daring, so courageous, not many girls can do it!" But my inner devil has been telling me, "You shouldn't have. You see, things changed."
Inner battle, well done.
Seriously, one of my new year solution is to be mysterious and not put in any feelings in anything/ anyone. Tough being a Gemini- Full of emotions and feelings. I hate this.
Please, I've said it, I want this year to be a great one for me.
IT'S JUST ALL GONNA BE ME, ME, ME! I'll not put others as priority anymore! I'll not care too much for others. Everyone has been telling me "You should stop thinking for others. Starting thinking for yourself. Put yourself as priority."
Likewise, I need to stop trying. Stop putting in effort for others. Because people don't care a single bit about you, so what for? Just be self-centred and care for yourself!
Rather whiny during this period of time, I totally have no idea why I'm like this. I've started to turn awkward with everyone but really glad for Jasmin & Eunice who are always bringing me back on track/ stop me from overthinking/ feeling paranoid about everything/ reasoning things out & so on...
"Things are not awkward. It's YOU who's behaving awkwardly." I should really stop. Gosh, I feel like I've been to another universe during this one week since something happened... Now I'm getting myself back in reality. Trying to. What am I worrying about? What exactly am I unhappy about? What's wrong with me...? I can never decode myself. I guess this is a blind spot to myself. Jas is always spot-on on describing and guessing how I really feel whenever I told her "Eh I really don't know how to put into words of how I'm exactly feeling." She's really the one I can keep for another 10 years, 20, 30, A LIFETIME. ❤
Since I can't understand myself well, how can I expect others to? Guess I'm not good enough... That's why. I should be a better person. Like what Justinius and Geok have been saying whenever we had our gatherings, "First, be a better person." Heeding advice. 😃
This is yet another long post, but not as long as the previous one, hehe. I'm gonna list out my New Year Resolutions soon. I've never believed in New Year Resolutions because... will we ever follow it? I guess not. This time round, things gonna be different. I THINK I might actually try to follow my list of resolutions, to shape myself a better person- for myself, for my peers, for my family.
Goodnight people. Thanks to whoever for reading till the end because I think nobody will ever read my blog except my best friend Jas? I'm really happy to be back blogging again because I like to crap a lot, at the same time improving the way I typed. (Proper English sentences without OR with MINIMUM Singlish.)
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