Friends.

Recently, there have been occasions that make me realise that sometimes things we do can be damn stupid. I mean, people might outcast you and treat you coldly for no fucking reason (not that I know of?) but when I ask "what's wrong?", you jolly well tell me what the fuck is wrong and not telling me "You're thinking too much". You're not solving the problem. Don't you wanna rectify it and get back this friendship? Okay unless you don't then stop acting like you want. Instead, if there's really nothing wrong, one should say "Why do you think it this way?" & not accusing someone of thinking too much. There must be a fucking reason why one feels the change. Isn't this how friendship works? If you really treat someone as a friend, you will work it out. At least for me. If I see you didn't make effort, then I'm sorry to say, you're not worth my effort too.

That aside, I think maybe this is the "cooling period" whereby we have to think, "Are they really gonna be my lifelong friends? Worth keeping?"

I don't mean I regret making friends with all the people that I knew. It's more of 'Do we see a future with these friends?' By "future", I mean we will still be hanging out 10/ 20/ 30 years later to chill and update on life, do stupid things and travel around. Just like in a relationship, you will ponder if this partner of yours is an ideal one; will both of you settle down in the future; marry and have kids?

At this age (I'm turning 21), we really do not have time for dramas though they make your life more interesting..... but it's tiring. We gotta decide what we want in life -- Careers, goals, family, etc.
Friends are also an important part of your life.

Sometimes you don't need a lot of friends, you just need that few friends. Quality over quantity, I'm pretty sure everyone knows this.

No doubt, some people make friends due to benefits. (Nono, it's not Friends With Benefits, lol)
They make friends just to get over a certain phase in their life, making the phase more bearable to pass through. Some might even use friends as a bridge to gain fame and popularity. But well, I don't mean everyone.

I've friends I wanna keep for life. We've talked about our future-- Having Tai Tai tea time & reminisce our young days, bringing our kids out for outings and gatherings and even trying to matchmake our kids together. May sound ridiculous but isn't these what true friends will do?

I've found them and I'm grateful. There might be new people I'll be meeting along the way in the next phase in life too? But I'll bear in mind not to be taken granted of.

There's two kinds of regrets I have towards friends: -

1) The ones who fought over trivial matters. (Seems like big issues at the point of quarrel)
At some point in life, there's bound to be dramas going on. No doubt, everyone will sure experience it at least once. (Unless you damn saint la, then WIN LIAO LOR you #lifeisaboringoneforyou )
Sometimes, or rather most of the times, friends 'fought' & quarrel due to misunderstandings. Sure enough, maybe due to pride and ego, you will always think you're right and you wouldn't want to admit you're partly at fault (for whatever reason you're quarrelling about). Another reason might be you're afraid that your friend might rebut and justify that he/ she is the right one and making no effort to clear up this misunderstanding. I've experience this many times. Some cleared up, some don't bother and keep it inside them till they explode one day.

During my poly days, I have a super close girls' clique whereby we will hang out all the times like shopping/ eyebrows threading/ feasting/ singing/ doing project, etc. Due to some reasons (now I can't even think it's any serious reasons), we quarrelled and had cold war. Eventually, we parted our ways and weren't friends anymore. At that moment, I think it's the best way since one of them (my best friend in poly) might be happier without me and I thought I was happier without her too.

But I was wrong.

I had a chalet with my Sushi Tei colleagues in October 2011. I drank and got super emotional that I went into the room and cried my heart out. All that flashed on my mind was how happy and how enjoyable we were when we're still friends. (This is when I realised actually friendship bonds are stronger than any trivial arguments that we might have.) It's possible to forgive and forget, letting go of all unhappiness if you really wanna revive that friendship.

However, no matter how much I wished I wanted to get back the friendship, I thought she wouldn't want. Nobody says anything. We just assume that we are doing fine without each other. It's until, I forgot what's the reason, we started texting and say we miss each other and that whenever we both feel like starting the convo, we wouldn't dare. (It's around 2013?)

I felt a sudden gush of feelings overwhelming me. But then it dies off again until recently I added her on snapchat and we started talking and all. I can feel we truly want to be friends again, just that maybe we are not as close as before, but well we're trying! ^^ I'm glad we're friends again. As I was talking to her on the day I added her on snapchat, we talked about the past and went to dig out all our photos taken. I caught myself tearing at Ourspace. Sometimes, this is regret, regret that misunderstandings can ruin us.

If you're afraid to clear the misunderstandings, then treat it as nothing has happened. Open up your heart and accept them for who they are. Constantly clear any unhappiness between friends and not bottle it up.

"Friendship is like a violin; the music may stop now and then, but the strings will last forever."

This was what my poly best friend once told me. I'm glad we found our way back, R.
(Don't even know if you're reading this, but these are all my heartfelt words.)

2) The ones whom we lost contact with/ drifted away, unknowingly.
Sometimes, you can just lost contact or drift away from friends that are once close to you. There's no arguments or misunderstandings between the both of you. Nothing. SO WHY DO Y'ALL NOT TALK ANYMORE?

Simple. Life goes on. We all met new people in our lives, we tend to forget the old friends. Nobody make effort to keep in contact. Imagine, you have to spend time contacting your friends, wouldn't it be tiring? Sometimes I will also not talk to my friends in Secondary/ Primary school.

There's once, I got a feeling to reconnect with some friends that I used to hang out with in Secondary school but I'm afraid they will think I'm being random. However, I went ahead with texting someone to update on his life. I've no idea, but I guessed he's rather uncomfortable with talking to me already as we didn't hang out after we've graduated from Secondary school. I had no motives when I sent the text "Hey how are you?!" I just want to see what my friends are up to in their lives. I'm actually shocked, amazed and proud of myself for taking this first step to reconnect with a long-lost friend. Eventually I failed because I'm the one making effort. Oh well.



So to end off this loooong blogpost, I would like to urge everyone. Please treasure your friendship! Don't take anyone for granted. Always show your appreciation towards them, for you wouldn't know when will be the last time meeting them. If I'm out with my friends, I will always have a habit of hugging my friends goodbye because "You will never know when's the last goodbye." By saying this, I feel very upset. I do not want to shortchange any friendships. I do not want any regrets.

If you feel that your friendship is dying down, chase after it and get it back. Don't wait, do it before it's too late!